http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/en-EUMokoFeed10http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/50/fb383dfb3663198df6b495c2f66d82_160x200.jpghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/10/bloody-men-7347615/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-11-10:/2009/11/10/bloody-men-7347615/Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:22:28 +0100 <p>Alright, so it's not all of them, just the one - SIMON.</p> <p>Life has been plodding along quite nicely for me lately. Apart from being full of a cold and completely stressing out at work 'cos I feel like my actions are under constant scrutiny I've actually been ok. Hardly had a minute to think about Simon at all, really don't know how long ago it was since I last spoke to him - 2, 3, 4 weeks?!?! No idea.....</p> <p>That was unitl about half an hour ago....... The phone rang, I answered it, like you do when it rings and it was him, wanting a 'chat', all pleasant as though nothing had ever happened. The conversation lasted all of about 2 minutes and he was soooo pleasant it was almost sickening and now, I'm sat here in a complete mess. Why did he even bother? Why can't he just leave me alone? He said he didn't want anything to do with me and then rings!</p> <p>And now I have a bloody headache, one of those horrible stress ones I get that you just can't shift with painkillers. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/10/bloody-men-7347615/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>the-exhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/10/bloody-men-7347615/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/03/stressing-7298997/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-11-03:/2009/11/03/stressing-7298997/Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:51:41 +0100 <p>I need to stop stressing quite so much! I text my agent yesterday asking her which tenancy deposit scheme my deposit is being held. With there being a total lack of her and the ladnlord doing absolutely anything right (hence me moving) I was slightly worried, ok, a LOT worried that I'm not going to get my deposit back before christmas which means I'm going to be slightly strapped for cash over the festive period with having to pay a new deposit on the nes flat next month. Anyway, she never got back to me yesterday. I woke up this morning in a right mess. So many tears and stressing over such a little thing. I tried to ring her, no answer. I started writing an email but I was a bit abrupt so deleted it. Did even more research on the internet about my rights (it turns out you don't actually have that many and if the landlord chooses to take too long to do a repair you just have to put up with it!) and ended up texting the agent again. I had managed to calm myself down by this point and just said I would pay my rent as usual tomorrow but it would be my last payment. I would be leaving on the 3rd December. I also asked for an answer to my text from yesterday. I spent the next couple of hours wondering and worrying and she eventually replied. Apologised for the delay and said thanks for informing her of my moving date and she told me the landlord took care of the deposit and she told me which company she was lead to believe he uses.... I went onto this company's website and could find no reference of my money being held by them. I've text her back and asked for the code off the certificate he will have recieved upon placing my money with them. I've not bothered with the whole legal requirement thing as I'm trying to be nice about it. They'll have no reaosn to hold any of my deposit and it's actually me that is being inconvenienced by not being able to close one of my windows and being driven round the bend by the constant drip, drip, bloody drip!!!!</p> <p>On a more cheerful note, I decided to treat myself for luch and took a walk to the local sandwich shop for one of their delicious ham salad sandwiches (and a sneaky piece of cake). My healthy eating has just gone out of the window at the moment. Well, on my return I decided to check the post box and there was a very large envelope there for me....... it's the details of my new flat, new tenancy agreement to sign and return and I got all excited agian, I really can't wait. I'm off to my mum's in a bit as she's looking after my baby nephew tonight and I'm going to bring home some boxes and start packing! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/03/stressing-7298997/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>movinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/03/stressing-7298997/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/02/having-a-bad-day-7293731/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-11-02:/2009/11/02/having-a-bad-day-7293731/Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:32:35 +0100 <p>......... and I really don't know why!?!</p> <p>I've had quite a good and busy few days. I found out on Thursday that I've got the flat I went for and I was over the mood. I was so excited. Spent the weekend with my family and then today I just can't seem to stop crying.</p> <p>All the usual thoughts keep going through my head and I can't seem to be able to make them stop.</p> <p>Fat, ugly, lonely, waste of space, everybody hates me, I hate myself, I hate my job, I have no confidence in myself what so ever, people walk all over me, no friends, no life, nothing...... my whole life is one big nothing </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/02/having-a-bad-day-7293731/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>jobmiserylifehttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/11/02/having-a-bad-day-7293731/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/24/i-think-i-ve-found-it-7237652/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-10-24:/2009/10/24/i-think-i-ve-found-it-7237652/Sat, 24 Oct 2009 23:17:56 +0200 <p>Went out flat hunting again on Friday morning with mum and we saw some places that you'd not even wish your enemies lived in! How they get away with putting these places up for rent is beyond me but I think I've found the perfect place to live.</p> <p>I'd arranged to meet the agent (from a reputable firm) to see a flat not too far away. This flat looked really nice in the photo and the spec looked good too. This had 2 bedrooms and also a garage for less than what I'm paying now. It was a second floor flat and the flats were all built around a small private courtyard for parking. On our was in, the agent said there was another one available on the first floor and did I know. I didn't so she let us into the flat to take a look. We walked into a very tiny entranceway before going through a door into the lounge. This was really quite bright and light and it was the full length of the building with the light obviously coming in through both sides. Quite a bit bigger than the one I have here. Two more doors led off the lounge. One near the back of the room which led to a nice bright spacious kitchen (well more spacious than I have now and my current kitchen does not have any natural light!) with the only downside being very little cupboard space. The other door off the lounge led to a corridor which had 4 doors coming off it. One the left was the main bedroom, straight in front was the small second bedroom and on the left was the lovely bathroom and a very large storage cupboard. I absolutely loved it. Me and mum were both walking round saying where we thought my furniture would look best!!</p> <p>We then went upstairs to the one on the second floor. The bathroom was smaller, as were both bedrooms and the kitched was also smaller and was open plan with the living area. The only feature I loved in this one was the shelf that rested on the end of some exposed beams along the whole length of the living area. We went straight back downstairs to have another look around that one.</p> <p>We went to some more after this, but I'd pretty much made my mind up that I was going to go for it. We went down to the agency for an application form and the earliest opportunity I have to take my completed form and relevant paperwork in is 4pm monday afternoon....... fingers crossed no one has put in for it before I do as I WANT IT! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/24/i-think-i-ve-found-it-7237652/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>flat-huntinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/24/i-think-i-ve-found-it-7237652/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/21/knitting-and-dancing-7214387/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-10-21:/2009/10/21/knitting-and-dancing-7214387/Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:54:11 +0200 <p>I've decided this year to knit some of my christmas presents. My baby nephew already has 2 jumpers ready and I'm half way through doing my toddler nephew a jumper. Planned to do another for baby, a jacket with matching bobble hat and then I did myself a jumber earlier this year and mum has decided she wants one so I've started hers too!!! Someone at work has a little girl a bit older than my baby nephew and as there is no girl in the family to knit for I've said I'll do her some pink stuff for Christmas. There's also a couple fo things I'd like to do for myself but just not enough time in the day (spend too much of it on facebook!). This afternoon I'm off to learn a new skill - how to crochet.</p> <p>I have so far neglected to mention that I started tap dancing recently, at least I don't think I've mentioned it. I've not been for a couple of weeks though. The first week I never went as I was far too busy with last minute preperations for my sisters wedding (I did all her stationary and also the bridal jewellery including my very first 'proper' tiara) and then last week I was soooo tired, plus seeing as I'd missed a week I was nervous about going back. For the past couple of days I've been telling myself that there is nothing to be nervous about, I just need to turn up. Tonight is the class and tonight I WILL go!!! Let's hope the nerves don't beat me. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/21/knitting-and-dancing-7214387/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tap-dancingknittinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/21/knitting-and-dancing-7214387/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/21/aaaaarggghhhh-7214345/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-10-21:/2009/10/21/aaaaarggghhhh-7214345/Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:46:28 +0200 <p>Drip, drip, bloody drip!</p> <p>The telly is on far too loud to drown out the dripping. It drives me insane someitmes! It also drives me mad that the landlord quite frequently turns up at the flats to see the live in handyman yet he can't be bothered to pay me a visit. Just one little visit would make me feel a whole lot better about the situation for a day or two.</p> <p>I sometimes feel like a stuck record.... all I seem to do lately to people is complain about my leak!</p> <p>Telly's on the blink, keeps switching the picture off, roll on January sales as I'm going to treat myself to a new one.</p> <p>I told myself that today I was going to sort out my 'junk' cupboard but really can't be bothered as I'm WAY too addicted to facebook and just want to play games! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/21/aaaaarggghhhh-7214345/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>leakhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/21/aaaaarggghhhh-7214345/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/20/flat-hunting-7210348/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-10-20:/2009/10/20/flat-hunting-7210348/Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:19:09 +0200 <p>Like there isn't enough going on in my life right now I've decided I should move!!</p> <p>When I moved in here (27th May 2009) there was a leak at one of my windows. It took about 6-8 weeks for it to be fixed and at no point did anyone even come into my flat to look at the problem, I was told that is was the guttering and let me tell you that not a week went past where I was not asking for an update and all I kept getting told from my agent was the landlord was waiting for his roofer chap to have a look.</p> <p>Well almost 4 weeks ago it started dripping again. Again no one has been to have a look I've just been told that it'll be the guttering and the landlord is waiting for his roofer chap to have a look (and I'm sick of hearing this!). Last week I'd had enough, rang the CAB and as I'd never actually put it in writing what the problem is then they suggested I do that first and take some pictures of the window etc. They also told me that my landlord might not take too kindly to a letter and he might want to end my tenancy!!! The cheek!!!</p> <p>Anyhow, the drip is still dripping and it's driving me mad!!! Been to see 6 different flats of the last 2 days but I'm not rushing! No way do I want to end up with a problem like I have now and I've also decided to go with a well know estate agency next time instead of a two bit company.</p> <p>The two I viewed yesterday were both one bed second floor flats in a small 1960 build block. They didn't look like much on the outside but weren't too bad on the inside and each of them had a teeny tiny balcony that would be nice to sit out on in summer with a glass of wine and a book! Went to see two this morning that used to be 2 semi detatched houses. Both house have been converted into two one bed flats. From the outside the place looked really nice and the price was not too bad but they were just a little on the small side on the inside (and the rear garden was very overgrown and not nice to look at). This afternoon I ended up at some place that is charity run and only accepts single occupants into the properties. The first was in a big old house which turned out to be a bed sit, not exactly what I'm looking for. The second was in a small block next to the house which turned out to be quitre similar to where I am now, only a bit smaller.</p> <p>I've spent the last couple of hours trawling the pages on the internet looking for some more and I'm already booked in to see a couple more on friday, but no rush, I'm not rushing into anything this time. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/20/flat-hunting-7210348/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>flat-huntinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/20/flat-hunting-7210348/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/20/this-and-that-7206402/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-10-20:/2009/10/20/this-and-that-7206402/Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:51:17 +0200 <p>MEN - so many times I've said he's out of my life then he comes crawling back, not any more. It has taken me sooooooo long to accept he doesn't want me. WHY? I'll never know........</p> <p>My sisters wedding just over a week ago went really well and I thought that it would be a bad day fro me but it really wasn't. Think the thing that helped me through was the fact that I helped mum to look after my nephews so I really had no time at all to dwell on my own miseries!</p> <p>Watched 'THIS MORNING' the other week and they were discussing abortion. Someone rang in and said they'd had one and had not had any counselling either before or after and they described how they felt about themselves and it sounded just like me so I've arranged to go and see someone next week to talk about the fact that I had one over 10 years ago to see if it's going to help me feel better about myself.</p> <p>I've stopped taking my anti-depressants, Dr wanted to take me off them anyway as she thought I was better! Not sure how taking a few pills is going to make you feel better if nothing else changes as you'd still feel the same way! Stopping was not the right thing to do but I'm doing ok so far, get a bit teary at times but I think I'm doing ok.</p> <p>Having major problems at work, I'm just not coping. Feel like my manager 'has it in for me'!! It feels at the moment like I'm back in my previous place of work and I ended up walking out of there without another job to go to...</p> <p>Everything goes ok for a while and then things start going wrong, too much going on in my head and need to start sorting it out!</p> <p>On a more positive note, seeing as I've had so many problems with my landlord since I moved here I've an appointment to go see a couple of flats in a few minutes. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/20/this-and-that-7206402/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>abortionflat-huntinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/10/20/this-and-that-7206402/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/09/07/anti-depressants-6913215/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-09-07:/2009/09/07/anti-depressants-6913215/Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:13:43 +0200 <p>i've not taken any for almost 2 weeks now, i also stopped taking my pill!! i had 1 anti depressant left and decided i'd take it this morning along with one of my contraceptive tablets...... i also nipped down the doc's and dropped off my repeat prescription and i'll pick up some more tablets tomorrow. i reckon i'll fell a bit better within myself in a couple of weeks if i take these pills and then i'll be able to do something about the way i'm feeling, or at least i hope i can. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/09/07/anti-depressants-6913215/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>depressionhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/09/07/anti-depressants-6913215/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/09/06/i-know-what-my-problem-is-6904042/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-09-06:/2009/09/06/i-know-what-my-problem-is-6904042/Sun, 06 Sep 2009 14:10:56 +0200 <p>I've not been here for such a long time, it was intially because i really did not have the time, but now, I just spend all my time crying. I've stopped taking my anit depressants. Last time I went to see the doctor she told me that seeing I was a lot better then it was about time I came off them...... OK, I know I should have stopped them gradually but what's the point in wasting money on a bunch of tablets that are only going to make me feel like this when they're stopped completely. Nothing has changed in my life at all, I still think the same things about myself, still worry far too much about the little things, still dwell on things that have happened in the past and just can't let go of them, I'm still lonely, find it difficult to function on a daily basis. The tablets were only a temporary fix, what on earth am I supposed to do for a permanent fix??? That I don't konw.</p> <p>I was clearing out some stuff yesterday in mum's garage and came across a couple of albums. One was of my engagement and one was full of keepsakes and memories of things we'd done together. I was really good and threw them out. I finally alos yesterday completely erased all trace of him from my mobile phone. Why can't I just get this bloke out of my head? I've not seen him in over 12 months, it's well over 2 years since we should have got married........ I know so many people who have split with partners and then got new ones in the last year, let alone 2 years, why can't I just move on and do the same????</p> <p>On a more positive note, I was really brave last week and did something really impulsive....... I saw an advert in the local paper about an adult tap dancing class. It's something I've thought about getting back into for ages....... well I just went. It was great fun and I hope I go again next Wednesday. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/09/06/i-know-what-my-problem-is-6904042/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>being-stupidthe-extaphttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/09/06/i-know-what-my-problem-is-6904042/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/06/29/time-flies-6419989/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-06-29:/2009/06/29/time-flies-6419989/Mon, 29 Jun 2009 15:02:09 +0200 <p>I really don't know where all my time goes at the minute. Before I moved I had so much free time on my hands I really did not know what to do with it all, now I hardly get chance to breathe. I am eagerly awaiting a day off where I can do what I want, when I want and not have plans made to see anyone....... Reckon that day will come in about 6 months!</p> <p>My new nephew was 6 weeks old yesterday and his parents wedding plans are coming along nicely, slightly envious that my sister 'appears' to have everything I want, but I know if it's meant to be then it'll happen to me before my biological clock stops! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/06/29/time-flies-6419989/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>time-flieshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/06/29/time-flies-6419989/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/06/15/all-moved-6308669/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-06-15:/2009/06/15/all-moved-6308669/Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:22:14 +0200 <p>ok, so i should have posted sooner but i've just not had the time! so much has happened over the last couple of weeks.....</p> <p>i'm all moved in (nearly), after getting most of my stuff up to the second floor flat we decided to put the rest in mum's garage for me to sort through at my leisure, and throw lots away as i've more stuff than i realised.</p> <p>i have a great big leak coming through my living room window!!! apparently it's the roof, so until it's sorted i have a nice piece of bubble wrap hanging inside my window and then draped outside so that the drip no longer is bouncing off of the frame and getting absolutely everywhere wet through. slightly disappointed that i had to do that myself though, though it would be the landlords responsibility to do a temporary fix. it's not much fun in this hot weather having plastic up, just makes it hotter. can run the risk of it being down if i'm not in and it rains as stuff would get ruined, plus it stopped raining about 2hrs ago and i can still hear it dripping!!!</p> <p>i was also supposed to have a parking space as there was a free one at the time i looked around and i said i'd take it, only when i came to move in apparently someone had started using it without permission. i was asked to bear with them for a few days whilst they sorted it, landlord said he would honour me having it. anyway, just over a week ago i was a bit annoyed that no one had actually been to have a look at this leak so go onto the agent (she acts as go between for me and the landlord) and said someone would be round the following day (and they were, which is when i found out that it's the roof) and i also enquired with the agent about the parking space, she said it would be resolved next week (which was last week) and i've still not heard anything and someone else is still parking in my spot! grrrrr</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/06/15/all-moved-6308669/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>leakmovingflatparkinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/06/15/all-moved-6308669/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/25/busy-busy-busy-6176138/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-05-25:/2009/05/25/busy-busy-busy-6176138/Mon, 25 May 2009 20:09:37 +0200 <p>i've had quite a busy few days, sorting out my finances, visiting the little one for lots of cuddles and of course there has been lots of packing!!! i'm almost ready now, my room is all boxed up!</p> <p>i'm going to visit my sister and the baby tomorrow, then wednesday is the day for collecting my keys and a bit of shopping for my new flat. thursday is cleaning day and moving my stuff in from my mums and then friday is the BIG day, my borther and i are going to lincoln to get all my belongings out of storage. they've been there for almost 2 years, bet i'm going to find a lot of things i forgot i had!!!</p> <p>it's all so exciting so i apologise now for my lack of posts in the recent days and over the next few days as i'm going to be busy, busy, busy!!!!</p> <p>p.s. simon was in touch on saturday, he wants me to go and visit! i've hardly thought about him at all but i am seriously thinking about going to see him in hospital when i'm moved and sorted! i know, i'm stupid. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/25/busy-busy-busy-6176138/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>the-exbeing-stupidmovinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/25/busy-busy-busy-6176138/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/14/changes-6117159/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-05-14:/2009/05/14/changes-6117159/Thu, 14 May 2009 21:31:57 +0200 <p>mum has been to visit my sister and brother today. there's still no sign of the little one arriving yet!! my brother though is in a pretty bad way. he's coping ok with the relationship breakdown, he's not coping with the fact that he doesn't have a job at the minute. money is very tight and mum has been supporting him financially for a few months now and she can't keep doing that, especially when she's paying for my sisters wedding later in the year. anyway, she came home earlier and said that my brother is moving back home as they can afford to financially support him here, but not where he is now as they've been paying his rent for him. mum is a little disappointed that this is happening as she had only just got her head around the fact that i was leaving and her and my stap dad would have the house to themselves after nearly two years, but she knows it's the best thing for him and if he does come home then they'll have 2 or 3 weeks 'break' between me moving out and him moving in. him moving over here might be a good thing for me too. if he does stay over here and finds a job then my social life may pick up a bit if he doesn't mind taking his big sister out for a drink every now and again :0) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/14/changes-6117159/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>movingmy-brotherhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/14/changes-6117159/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/13/everything-has-been-arranged-6107797/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-05-13:/2009/05/13/everything-has-been-arranged-6107797/Wed, 13 May 2009 11:56:52 +0200 <p>I've spent most of the morning on the phone trying to get organised for the big move, well, it's not actually that big, just big to me!!</p> <p>Arranged to collect the keys for my new flat on 27th May at 10.30am!!!! That day (or the next) me and mum are going to go in and clean the place and also arrange for someone mum knows to come and clean the cooker. My bother will be here bright and early on the 29th to collect a van at 8am, drive over to Lincoln (2hrs away) with me and pick my stuff up. Quick trip to the tip to deposit some items I no longer require and then back over to Halifax and move my stuff into my second floor flat! Lots of steps and I will admit I'm quite lazy when it comes to physical work, but the end result with be great enough reward. The van does not have to be back until 8am next morning which also gives me time to use the van to move my belongings from mum's house, although I may start doing that on the 28th...... Exciting stuff!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/13/everything-has-been-arranged-6107797/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>movinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/13/everything-has-been-arranged-6107797/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/12/i-m-moving-6105255/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-05-12:/2009/05/12/i-m-moving-6105255/Tue, 12 May 2009 22:07:02 +0200 <p>Went to view those flats yesterday afternoon. We found the place ok, it was once a large Georgian house that has been converted into 8 flats, turns out there were 3 empty. She took us into the first one and I was immediately put off by it's location - the very first door on the groud floor! I thought it would be too noisy. I knew before I got there that the bedroom, although separate from the living area, did not have a door to it but there was going to be an archway between both rooms. Se said that some people put a curtain pole up and curtains to separate the rooms, I thought this a good idea but for some unknown reason I was not keen at all on this flat. The kitchen was small, but big enough for one person and the bathroom had a state of the art shower!!! It's like a tardis, apparently as the landlord has not put baths into any of the flats he's gone to town on the showers. The final thing that put me off that place was the mould growing in the fridge (it's not a good idea to keep the thing turned on with the door shut if you've not cleaned it properly! Other than that, it was clean, tidy, but just not me.</p> <p>We then went up to the second floor and into another one bed like the one I'd already seen but the kitchen and bathroom were in a different place and even though the living space was slightly smaller I almost immediately couls see myself living there. There were gorgeous views of the hills, it was a lovely sunny day and it was so bright in the room which made it seem larger than it was. The bathroom in this flat had a large window which was nice, the only room without a window is the kitchen (mum said to get a nice picture up in there to 'brighten' it up)!! We spent ages in here then went off to the 3rd floor, top of the house to see the last flat.</p> <p>This one was advertised as a 2 bed, when you got onto the top step you either went left to the open plan living space and kitchen with the bathroom off it and to the left were 2 bedroom. There were different steps and levels all over the place! It was not to my liking at all. When I said I didn't like it the agent asked why..... I explained what changes could be made and if it looked how I was describing I'd be tempted.</p> <p>We decided to go back down to the one on the second floor for another look. I decided I wanted it so I've paid my holding deposit and provisionally said I'd be looking to move around the 1st June. I did some thinking today and have decided if I can sort everything out over the next few days then I'm aiming for the 28th May....... It's soooooo exciting.</p> <p>I'm not 100% sure I'm ready for this, but it's worth giving it a try and mum has said I can always come home if it doesn't work out for me. Think she's just a bit worried what with me not really going anywhere to see people, lack of social life and me being on anti depressants. Guess I won't know until I try. It'll be nice to have my own space again and maybe concentrate on doing what I want to do when I want to do it and find myself again. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/12/i-m-moving-6105255/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>movinghttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/12/i-m-moving-6105255/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/11/positivity-6096633/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-05-11:/2009/05/11/positivity-6096633/Mon, 11 May 2009 14:04:02 +0200 <p>I'm going out in about half an hour to view some flats with an intention of getting my life back and moving out of my parents. Not going to say I'll be overly disappointed if they're not suitable as I only decided this morning I was seriously thinking of moving!!</p> <p>My sister is due to have her first child any day now, she's having a boy and I'm going to be an aunty again.</p> <p>My brother and his partner have ended their relationship. This has been positive for me as I've gotten to see my nephew a whole lot more than I did before.</p> <p>I'm going to be a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding, although I'm not 100% confident about attending my first wedding since my own was cancelled, it was 2 years ago and I should be over it by now!</p> <p>I love my job (in a fashion). I adore those I look after, shame about some of the staff! :0)</p> <p>I passed my Level 1 Certificate in Bookkeeping exam (with distinction) and I'm currently studying Computerised Bookkeeping, Level 1, exam will be in June (I think). I think I'd like to study more bookkeeping with eventually a career change, but not 100% sure at the moment as I love care work. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/11/positivity-6096633/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>movingweddingmy-sistercollegehttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/11/positivity-6096633/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/11/negativity-6096016/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2009-05-11:/2009/05/11/negativity-6096016/Mon, 11 May 2009 12:00:28 +0200 <p>It's been a very long time since I last posted and since then I've lost a few 'blog' friends :0(</p> <p>I do hope this return means I'll be more of a regualr feature again. The reason I stopped posting was I was feeling so low that I was just complaining all the time and who wants to read that?? I'm not saying I'll never complain again, I just need to get a grip.</p> <p>Simon has featured in my life quite heavily since my last post, although I've not seen him in almost 12 months now, we've had good days and bad days, all through phone calls and texts. I finally thought things were getting there as we agreed to meet to chat and see if that spark was still there, but he was never willing to make arrangements. Bank Holiday he 'vanished' for a couple of days, just didn't reply to calls and mostly had his phone turned off. I gave him what for when I did speak to him, even hung up on him and told him I couldn't care less, but he rang me back, begging and pleading and told me everything I wanted to hear. Then thursday and friday last wek, his phone was off again!! I finally got hold of him on saturday evening and he's in hospital! He's had an accident at work and has fractured his pelvis quite badly. He reckons he'll be in hospital for at least 4 weeks and he doesn't want me to visit! Initially I thought 'stuff him', then I thought maybe he really just does not want to see anyone, or maybe he's not told his mum we're speaking! I tried to reason with him, if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me then he shouldn't be pushing me away, he said he needsw some time to get his head around what he's done and doesn't want any visitors! I told him I thought I'd be more than just a 'visitor' and he has got all the time in the world to get his head around this - BYE. All he had to say was thank you!!!</p> <p>A part of me thinks I am being heartless by saying what I said considering where he is and what has happened to him but I can't forgive him for not wanting me to go and see him when he needs people around him who care about him.</p> <p>I hope this finally ends my 'obsession' with him. I love him so much but he has treated me so badly, I'm scared of being alone.</p> <p>I did go to the doctors a few months ago and I have been taking anti depressants and they are sort of helping, think next time I go I'll take up the offer of the counselling as a few pills aren't going to solve anything long term. </p> <p>I still have not friends, the only people I see outside of work are family and that's quite depressing in itself. Viscious circle really!!</p> <p>I also stopped going to the gym at christmas and have piled the weight back on!!</p> <p>It's not all bad though, i've got some stuff to do and then I'll be back to tell you about the positive things that are happening around me </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/11/negativity-6096016/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>lifemiserythe-exhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2009/05/11/negativity-6096016/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/12/08/journey-5178389/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-12-07:/2008/12/08/journey-5178389/Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:00:15 +0100 <p>I just decided to do a one stone rune reading for myself considering what I managed to achieve today..... The stone pulled was the Journey. I also got a book with the Runes and some of the things in the explaination of this stone are quite fitting considering my current state.</p> <p>Here are some of the things said:<br> - the journey is towards self healing, self-change and union.<br> - the end is in sight.<br> - you are no longer burdened by what you have left behind.</p> <p>These things and the other things said all make perfect sense in my current situation.</p> <p>It was my birthday today and as a treat, mum and I are going to the Trafford centre in Manchester tomorrow for lunch and to do a bit of shopping. I've been telling myself for over a week now that I'm going to tell her about how I'm feeling. I'm worried the 'right' time won't come tomorrow, but I'm going to do my best to tell her. I do need to talk to someone and I really don't have anyone else. I think I also need to tell her I've been texting him again, but I knocked that on the head earlier today, it was the right thing to do. I only contacted him as I was feeling so low and I stupidly thought he'd be able to help me. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/12/08/journey-5178389/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>the-exshoppingruneshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/12/08/journey-5178389/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/12/05/tarot-and-runes-5169237/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-12-05:/2008/12/05/tarot-and-runes-5169237/Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:15:59 +0100 <p>I've always been interested in runes, tarot, coin and card reading but it's not something which I've ever really 'studied'. I do have 2 sets of tarot cards but I obviously don't rate them very highly as I did not bring them with me when I moved, they're in storage 100 miles away.</p> <p>Today at work I was talking to someone about tarot cards. She said she had bought herself a pack and I told her that I don't know that much but she should not have bought her own pack. As they were in her car she went and got them and gave them to me, as I said I'd get some for her. I went to where she got them from as she really likes them but I couldn't get any, but I did find a book on runes complete with stones at a bargain price.</p> <p>I don't know a lot about runes.... Should you buy these for yourself or should they be a gift?</p> <p>Anyway, I'm not so superstitious as to think I'll get false readings from something that should be gifted. I've glanced through the book already and done 2 readings. Just trying to get a taster. I'm impatient and there is no way I'd wait until I'd read the whole book before doing a reading. I did read in the book that you are uspposed to keep a journal of your rune readings (the reason being I'm not sure of at the moment) and I'm going to keep a brief temporary account of my readings on here until I learn more about what I'm doing and I have a nice journal to write my readings in.</p> <p>Reading 1 - Odin's Rune - no explaination is going to be given right now as to the situation I am currently in as there may be some people reading who may be disapointed in what I've done. The rune I pulled was The Self, Reversed. (7.40pm)</p> <p>Reading 2 - Three Rune Spread - I first pulled Strength, Reversed, then Constraint, Reversed and then lastly Wholeness. (7.50pm)</p> <p>I have briefly read the book regarding what these stones mean in the context which they have been drawn but I shall not be explaining here, not until I've managed to educate myslf further in their meanings. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/12/05/tarot-and-runes-5169237/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tarotruneshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/12/05/tarot-and-runes-5169237/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/11/10/moving-on-5015612/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-11-10:/2008/11/10/moving-on-5015612/Mon, 10 Nov 2008 23:28:30 +0100 <p>It's not something I find easy to do, I never have and probably never will.</p> <p>I'm still pining over Simon, I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.</p> <p>My confidence was knocked, as it would be when the relationship broke down and tied in with the work problems I did hit an all time low but that was 12 months ago. I did find something to focus on though and that was finding a job. After that though there was nothing. I've been doing more craft stuff lately, but there's more making than selling occuring!!!</p> <p>I just feel so crappy. I wake up crying, every moment I'm alone I cry, I spend all my time at home in my room, I go to sleep crying, I'm crying now and I just can't stop it.</p> <p>I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I'm so lonely - no friends and no one to talk to. It all should have got better by now but it's getting worse with every day that passes.</p> <p>I can't carry on like this for much longer. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/11/10/moving-on-5015612/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>cryinglifemiseryhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/11/10/moving-on-5015612/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/26/it-s-not-normal-4935776/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-10-26:/2008/10/26/it-s-not-normal-4935776/Sun, 26 Oct 2008 20:42:16 +0100 <p>I really can not describe it but I get a certain thought in my head when I do a certain action and it's freaking me out somewhat!!!</p> <p>You see, this only happens when I'm at work - the thing is when I've got a sharp knife in my hand, more specificaly when I'm drying it and going to the draw to put it away, no matter whatever else is going on around me or what I was thinknig about before I do this, I always end up thinking I'm going to fall and end up stabbing myself quite badly!!</p> <p>Reminds me of the weeks I spent thinking (everytime I passed a tree and I lived in the country) I was going to crash into said tree!!!</p> <p>Just what is going on inside my head!</p> <p>I will admit, I'm finding life a little tough at the moment, crying more than I have been but I have this feeling that I just can't cope. I spend all my time in my room if I'm not at work and I don't seem to be a ble to function properly to do anything else....... I wonder if these 'knife' thoughts are just because I'm a little wired up wrong at the moment! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/26/it-s-not-normal-4935776/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>knivesmiseryhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/26/it-s-not-normal-4935776/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/13/just-in-case-4867095/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-10-13:/2008/10/13/just-in-case-4867095/Mon, 13 Oct 2008 23:51:51 +0200 <p>If you missed this last night then you missed the best thing on TV in a long time.......</p> <p>Peter Kays Britains got the Pop Factor and possibly a new Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly on Ice.</p> <p>It's Geraldine McQueen with her version of the winners song......</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/13/just-in-case-4867095/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>geraldinepeter-kayhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/13/just-in-case-4867095/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/13/brave-4866948/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-10-13:/2008/10/13/brave-4866948/Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:55:34 +0200 <p>I heard this on TV earlier on today and it made me feel all emotional (mind you, it doesn't take much at the moment as I have a cry everyday) and I wanted to share it as I think it's quite beautiful.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/13/brave-4866948/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>idina-menzelhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/13/brave-4866948/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/10/how-to-end-a-relationship-the-right-way-4851877/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-10-10:/2008/10/10/how-to-end-a-relationship-the-right-way-4851877/Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:58:50 +0200 <p>Breaking up is hard to do but do it properly and it'll be easier for both of you to move on.</p> <p>1, the first thing to remember is that you should avoid hiding behind texts or emails - meet face to face instead. Agree on a time and place where you can talk openly without distractions.</p> <p>2, your partner is likely to express strong feelings. If he does, stay calm and listen rather than argue.</p> <p>3, allow enough time for both of you to talk about how you feel, but don't let it drag on unnecessarily.</p> <p>4, explain your reasons, but accept the possibility that, no matter what you say, your partner won't be ok with your decision - so be kind, but strong.</p> <p>5, don't try to be friends immediately afterwards. This can blur the boundaries, make it more difficult to have a clearly defined ending and leave him confused about where he stands </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/10/how-to-end-a-relationship-the-right-way-4851877/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>breaking-uphttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/10/10/how-to-end-a-relationship-the-right-way-4851877/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/i-forgot-to-say-4759750/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-09-21:/2008/09/21/i-forgot-to-say-4759750/Sun, 21 Sep 2008 22:20:41 +0200 <p>I start college on tuesday evening which is something else I'm doing which is very brave and I'm taking 'kirstys krafts' to it's very first home party on saturday evening and I hope everything goes well. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/i-forgot-to-say-4759750/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>collegekirstyskraftshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/i-forgot-to-say-4759750/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/someone-needs-to-get-a-life-4759742/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-09-21:/2008/09/21/someone-needs-to-get-a-life-4759742/Sun, 21 Sep 2008 22:18:47 +0200 <p>and it is not me!!!!</p> <p>Ok, so I answer the phone when Simon calls, but only sometimes, certainly not everyday, maybe only once per week is all it has been for the last 3 weeks, and every time when we have spoken we have argued. Sometimes, when he can be bothered to text me, I reply, but not often as his phone is hardly ever switched on!!!</p> <p>Anyhow, he rang me on Thursday night when I was a work. We had a huge argument, totally disagreed on everything and I hung up on him. (No point in going over the details of the argument, just the same old stuff). I actually thought that he had finally got the message........ he hadn't!</p> <p>Friday he was ringing whilst I was on my way to St. Albans and for obvious reasons, I ignored him, I did not understand why he was ringing after everything we'd said to each other on the phone the night before. Once I got to St Albans I was busy for the rest of the day and didn't call him back (not that being busy means anything, I wouldn't have called him back anyway).</p> <p>Saturday comes and he tries again, so many missed calls and so many texts when I was trying to enjoy my day out. Once I'd got back to my room late in the afternoon, I text him and said that I really did not want anything more to do with him whilst he was living at home, he either has to move out or leave me alone but for some reason that did not get through to him as he then left another half a dozen missed calls!!! How stupid can someone be?? Alright, I know I should not have said I'd still see him if he does move out but I did, I still love him and things are ok when we are together and that is not 'rose tinted' it's the truth. I ended p having to repeat my text message "you know we argue when we speak, you know we can't agree on anytihng anymore so stop wasting your time. I want nothing more to do with you whilst you're still living with your mum. So either move out and I'll visit or just leave me alone... how can I make it any clearer??"</p> <p>I'm now wondering whether it has finally worked tihs time? I've not heard anything off him which is a good start and the day is almost over so it's looking good, but don't ask me how I feel about it all as I want him to ring me and tell me he's moved out!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/someone-needs-to-get-a-life-4759742/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>lifelovethe-exhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/someone-needs-to-get-a-life-4759742/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/my-just-you-experience-4759688/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-09-21:/2008/09/21/my-just-you-experience-4759688/Sun, 21 Sep 2008 22:06:04 +0200 <p>Some of you might know already that I've been away this weekend and I went all by myself. I decided earlier this year that I wanted a holiday and I knew the only way I was going to get one was to go away alone. That was something which I was absolutely petrified about, but I booked a weekend away with a company called Just You who sepcialise in holidays for single travellers. I booked the weeknd away just to see how I got on being away by myself and thought that if I enjoyed my time away then I would book a 'proper' holiday next year.</p> <p>I just want to say that I had a great weekend. I am so proud of myself for being so brave and going there by myself. I initiated conversations with people which I really do not normally do, and even though there was an itinerary you did not have to get involved in all that was going on, you pretty much could do as you liked and if you chose not to do something, so what, no one asked questions. It was so relaxing and so nice to be in different surroundings.</p> <p>I was slightly disapointed that I was the youngest one there, but I did not feel out of place and everyone was so nice and welcoming. There were a lot of people who were as nervous as I was and had signed up for the weekend for so many different reasons.</p> <p>On the whole, it was a good weekend, with the exception of a couple of women (mutton dressed as lamb) who did nothing but complain but that's a whole post in itself which I'll save for another day. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/my-just-you-experience-4759688/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>holidayhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/21/my-just-you-experience-4759688/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/18/trying-to-be-positive-4745056/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-09-18:/2008/09/18/trying-to-be-positive-4745056/Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:44:46 +0200 <p>I must snap out of this 'depressive' phase I am going through!!!!</p> <p>I must pack!!!</p> <p>I'm going away tomorrow to St Albans on my very first (albeit short) holiday as a single traveller. My intentions are that if I enjoy it, then I'm going to book a longer holiday abroad next year. I'll let you know all about it when I get back and I do hope it goes ok - I'm petrified!!!</p> <p>I must pack!!!</p> <p>I start work at 4pm today and I'm doing a sleep in, so I won't actually finish until 1.30pm tomorrow and I'm going straight from work. I hope the traffic is not too bad as I want to make sure I'm there before 6pm. Wish I'd taken the day off tomorrow but it's too late now.</p> <p>I'm off to pack!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/18/trying-to-be-positive-4745056/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>single-travellerholidayhttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/09/18/trying-to-be-positive-4745056/#commentshttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/08/14/the-wonders-of-nature-4588919/tag:beginnings.blog.co.uk,2008-08-14:/2008/08/14/the-wonders-of-nature-4588919/Thu, 14 Aug 2008 18:42:40 +0200 <p>I had a 'different' day whilst at work today.</p> <p>To cut a long story short I ended up in Blackpool (getting paid for it), but we had to cut our trip short (another long story) but we ended up at near Rishworth at the reservoir. We parked up at the car park which is just off the main road and we thought there might be a track somewhere nearby where we could walk. Turns out there wasn't and we did not want to risk walking on the main road with the person we were supporting. We did admire the view for a few minutes as the top reservoir was full and it was overflowing into the bottom. It was a lovely sight to see and I do wish I'd taken my camera with me. We decided to get back into the car and go to the other car park which is off the main road. We passed nearer to where the water was overflowing and it looked even more beautiful. We got to the car park and the whole scene was spoiled - turns out that this particular car park is used at any time, day or night for 'dogging'!!! There were about 8 cars all parked up and all had one single male driver in it. It completely creeped me out. Why on earth do people want to do it in view of others, let alone watch osmeone else. I was almost repulsed when I stepped out of the car as I just missed standing on a pair of mens underpants which some poor bloke must have 'forgotten' to put back on. We desperately needed to take the lady with us for a long walk in a quite spot so we had to park up and we walked a fair way down this narrow lane. As we did so there was a field with cows and a couple of bulls in it, they all stopped what they were doing, moved nearer to the fence and watched us walk right on past..... turns out the whole area is rife with hormones - the cows and bulls stopped mating whilst we walked by and then continued once we'd passed. How respectful of them!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/08/14/the-wonders-of-nature-4588919/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>naturehttp://beginnings.blog.co.uk/2008/08/14/the-wonders-of-nature-4588919/#comments