I've not been here for such a long time, it was intially because i really did not have the time, but now, I just spend all my time crying. I've stopped taking my anit depressants. Last time I went to see the doctor she told me that seeing I was a lot better then it was about time I came off them...... OK, I know I should have stopped them gradually but what's the point in wasting money on a bunch of tablets that are only going to make me feel like this when they're stopped completely. Nothing has changed in my life at all, I still think the same things about myself, still worry far too much about the little things, still dwell on things that have happened in the past and just can't let go of them, I'm still lonely, find it difficult to function on a daily basis. The tablets were only a temporary fix, what on earth am I supposed to do for a permanent fix??? That I don't konw.

I was clearing out some stuff yesterday in mum's garage and came across a couple of albums. One was of my engagement and one was full of keepsakes and memories of things we'd done together. I was really good and threw them out. I finally alos yesterday completely erased all trace of him from my mobile phone. Why can't I just get this bloke out of my head? I've not seen him in over 12 months, it's well over 2 years since we should have got married........ I know so many people who have split with partners and then got new ones in the last year, let alone 2 years, why can't I just move on and do the same????

On a more positive note, I was really brave last week and did something really impulsive....... I saw an advert in the local paper about an adult tap dancing class. It's something I've thought about getting back into for ages....... well I just went. It was great fun and I hope I go again next Wednesday.