It's been a very long time since I last posted and since then I've lost a few 'blog' friends :0(
I do hope this return means I'll be more of a regualr feature again. The reason I stopped posting was I was feeling so low that I was just complaining all the time and who wants to read that?? I'm not saying I'll never complain again, I just need to get a grip.
Simon has featured in my life quite heavily since my last post, although I've not seen him in almost 12 months now, we've had good days and bad days, all through phone calls and texts. I finally thought things were getting there as we agreed to meet to chat and see if that spark was still there, but he was never willing to make arrangements. Bank Holiday he 'vanished' for a couple of days, just didn't reply to calls and mostly had his phone turned off. I gave him what for when I did speak to him, even hung up on him and told him I couldn't care less, but he rang me back, begging and pleading and told me everything I wanted to hear. Then thursday and friday last wek, his phone was off again!! I finally got hold of him on saturday evening and he's in hospital! He's had an accident at work and has fractured his pelvis quite badly. He reckons he'll be in hospital for at least 4 weeks and he doesn't want me to visit! Initially I thought 'stuff him', then I thought maybe he really just does not want to see anyone, or maybe he's not told his mum we're speaking! I tried to reason with him, if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me then he shouldn't be pushing me away, he said he needsw some time to get his head around what he's done and doesn't want any visitors! I told him I thought I'd be more than just a 'visitor' and he has got all the time in the world to get his head around this - BYE. All he had to say was thank you!!!
A part of me thinks I am being heartless by saying what I said considering where he is and what has happened to him but I can't forgive him for not wanting me to go and see him when he needs people around him who care about him.
I hope this finally ends my 'obsession' with him. I love him so much but he has treated me so badly, I'm scared of being alone.
I did go to the doctors a few months ago and I have been taking anti depressants and they are sort of helping, think next time I go I'll take up the offer of the counselling as a few pills aren't going to solve anything long term.
I still have not friends, the only people I see outside of work are family and that's quite depressing in itself. Viscious circle really!!
I also stopped going to the gym at christmas and have piled the weight back on!!
It's not all bad though, i've got some stuff to do and then I'll be back to tell you about the positive things that are happening around me
