I have this mental list in my head of things to do and I've actually done something about some of them and I feel just great.

Not sure if I mentioned joining a local gym (one of those for people who are scared of gyms and it's women only). The machines are air pressured and I really don't know much about them but I have an appointment on monday for my registration, sign up, measuring/weighing etc and a programme will be made up for me. I'm also, on monday going to pay into the bank the cash I got for the sale of my engagement ring so I don't squander it on rubbish and as I've decided I need my hair doing and want a complete restyle I'm also going to pop into this hair dressers I've seen in town that are looking for models for their trainees. I'm not bothered who does it as the trainees have to learn somewhere, they will be supervised and the chances are I'll get a new hair on the cheap.

There are really two other reasons as to why I'm feeling very proud of myself and that is because I want to actually learn some proper skills regarding jewellery making and there are two colleges in the area which offer short courses in an evening, I've applied (online) for one college and have the number of the other to ring them next week.

The scariest thing of all though is I've just booked myself a weekend break through a singles company (thanks for the suggestion granddad!). I was actually looking at crafting holidays and could only find ones where you booked a self catering cottage for a few days and then booked sessions doing crafts on top. I was more looking for a couple of days away with the crafting included and it be in a hotel, not a cottage. Anyway, I then typed 'specialist holiday' into my search engine and loads of singles holidays came up. just clicked one for a look and they do 'discovery weekends' in this country for you to get a taste of what it's like on a singles hoiliday. It's £199 (only paid £25 deposit) and it's a Thistle hotel in St Albans for 2 nights dinner bed and breakfast. A Rep meets you, you have your own en suite room, rep with you through dinner and it says you change tables between courses so as to get to know lots of people, and then there is dancing afterwards. After breakfast the next morning there is a trip into St Albans and in the evening, it's dinner and dancing again and then next morning after breakfast you go to a meeting which just tells you more about the company as they do holidays all over the world. I'm quite excited, although extremely apprehensive about going away alone as I'm not very good at socialising with people I don't know, I'd even go as far to say I have a phobia of socialising!! I have just over 2 months to get it into my head that I'm going to have to try and be somewhat 'outgoing' for 2 whole days, but at least there is always the option to escape to my own room if I need to.

I do feel really pleased with myself and I have my moments every day where I cry and feel sorry for myself over what has happened. I think I would feel better if there was a geniune reason instead of a lame excuse! I just thin that if I can be a little pro active in doing things for myself and organising activities for me to do then I won't have as much time on my hands to think about him. If I can start doing things for myself instead of relying on others then I'll be living my life for me and maybe I'll start to feel happy in myself and about myself.