when I said I was going to not use here to wallow in my own self pity. These last few days have been full of memories, some not particularly pleasant. Today I would have been the anniversary of our engagement and I couldn't stop thinking about him. What made it worse was where I went today whilst at work. I ended up taking one of the people I support to the local bowling alley. Nothing unusual in that I hear you say. Normally, no. I'd never been to this particular bowling alley but I remember vividly the last time I went bowling. It was last year, 16th June, the day I should have got married. My so called friends took me out for lunch and then bo wling and we got drunk. By 5pm we were at a childs birthday party as one of my friends double booked herself and I was home in bed by 6.30pm as my 'friends' had had enough. In all honesty, I knew they weren't my true friends, I knew things were falling apart there, I blame myself for this but if they were my friends they would understand how I am in social settings and make allowances for that, not completely distance themselves from me. Needless to say I have still not really heard of some of them and I have no intention of contacting them. I don't want to contact them as I feel let down, not one of them was anywhere to be seen when I needed help last year.