I've spent the last couple of days wondering what to do about SD. I think I know that the right thing is to just stop thinking about him and move on but it's never that easy. He's not been in otuch since we argued the other night and I've not contacted him. I've been tempted to, but have so far managed to resist.

How could anyone enjoy spending a little time with someone they are just stringing along??

Why would he be so stupid to waste his time and money on me if he really didn't want to see me though??

It's so confusing and there are so many different thoughts going through my head. I was hoping to go see him either this weekend or next as I'm off work for the week but I know it's not going to be possible and do you know what hurts the most..... wondering what my mum is going to say, she probably already knows something ts wrong, she usually does but I've been stupid in thinking things would be ok.

Why won't he just ring me?

It's not my fault I sometimes think the way I do about things....... Well of course it's my fault as I tihnk them but the situations I was in as a child are not my fault and these situations made me think the way I do about things. It's not my fault that help was not sought for me as a child to overcome these situations and now I just don't know where to turn. I told SD everything, it was a risk, I know, and everyone I trust has so far in my life let me down. Don't think I could ever trust anyone again.

It's no wonder I'm alone, I truly am a horrible person, I've always thought I was. No one can say anything different as I believe if I was a nice person I would have more people in my life than my immediate family and sometimes I believe they're only in my life as they don't really have a choice.