well i managed to survive until i finished work before i text him! i knew i'd give in at some point today but i just wanted to speak to him. i was beginning to think that tht reason he had not been in touch was because he was no longer able to meet me at the weekend....... i was right.

after exchanging a few texts i asked him to ring me when he was free and he did, about an hour ago. the conversation started off ok until i brought up the weekend........ guess what? he's working! bloody typical. i've heard that so many times before and i feel totally let down.

i tried to explain to him how let down i feel. it's been so long since i last saw him..... we ended up almost argueing before he said he was going for a lie down as he was 'stressed'!!!!!!!!

after the chat we had last week when he said about how he wanted everything to be ok between us, he wanted everything we'd originally planned..... why did he go and let me down all over again. i feel like i'm reliving the whole break up all over again. part of me wishes i'd never made contact again but it's so hard, i love him so much.

now i feel stupid for believing him, stupid for thinking things would be ok.

i've done nothing but cry for the last hour.... feel sorry for myself.... things were becoming quite positive.... now i'm hating myself all over again.... it's times like this i wish i wasn't here