just what is it with mondays so far this year?!?!

there have been two so far and both of them have been pretty rough! last monday i missed out on an interview, reason being (or at the least the excuse used) was i didn't want to commute to work on a daily basis. 30mins on the train is not too bad but considering i'd need my car for work i'd have to drive which would mean it would be more like and hour or more.

yesterday was pretty much the same, i didn't miss out on an interview mind, but it was still pretty shit. woke up in such a miserable mood it was unreal and there was no particular reason.

i'm stuck in a vicious circle at the moment..... i have no confidence/low self esteem (something i have had for years, just gets worse with every knock i take) and am therefore finding it difficult to project myself well in both interviews and trying to be positive with filling all these application forms in. i feel that until i can do this i can't 'properly' get my life back on track.

i'm not good at meeting new people but there are a couple of things in the area i've decided i'm going to do, but i can't do them until i'm earning. i think doing other things will help with my confidence/esteem but i need money to be doing these things and i need a job for that to happen.

i must also admit i do have a 'motivation' problem also..... i feel so low at the moment i don't see the point. i am doing really well by not thinking about 'him'. i have some days where i don't think about him at all which is very good, but other days i think of all the things i miss...... having someone you can talk to about everything, someone who will tell you everything is going to be ok, someone to hug, the closeness of another person. i know all couples have their problems at some point, but i'm feeling i'll never get this back again.