i went to bed on sunday night feeling quite positive, especially after encouragement and wishes from my friends in blogland so why did i wake up on monday so miserable?

monday was one of those days where you don't want to see/speak/hear anyone or anything...... nothing can be 'coped' with, no matter how trivial it may be (the sort of day you want to just blink and it's over, the sort of day i've had so many of recently, but it had actually been a couple of weeks since i was feelnig so low). i am actually pleased that such a period of time passed, it does mean that 'he' no longer plays such a part in my life by just writing about this i realise it's actually been a while since i have actually thought about him.

with my mood being so bad, it was inevitable that i di not attend for my little 'chat' with someone about a potential job....... i couldn't even manage to pick up the phone and ring, i emailed him!! i spent the afternoon feeling extremely sorry for myself and there was no one in the house so there was no need to hide how i was feeling. come early evening i knew i had to pull myself together, folks would be home soon and they'd at least want to see my face and say hello. i refocused my attention (something i should have done earlier in the day) on making some cards as i'd not made any since last year and i have decided this year that all the greetings cards i send will be made with my own fair hands! by the time i went to bed i was feeling a little better yet i was worrying about the following day!!

tuesday.... today i had a appointment at the job centre! when i first went to sign on an agreement was drawn up that i could look for the type of job i wanted and not less than the pay i was previously recieving and all i had to do was look for a job, keep a diarty of what i was doing and turn up once a fortnight to sign on. they told me i could do this for 3 months before they'd want to see me again. i honestly thought i'd have a job by then, but seeing as i've not i recieved a letter before christmas telling me of my appointment which was on tuesday. the letter said i had to take hard evidence of my job hunting, they even gave examples of letters accompanying application forms etc. anyway, when the letter arrived i had not a single bit of hard evidence and panicked like mad!!! i then kept every single email, made notes of every phone call and kept every bit of paper remotely connected to a job i'd applied for. anyway, i turned up for this appointment, was kept waiting for 20mins for a 'chat' that lasted 10mins and do you know what he wanted to see??? fuck all!!!!!! i apologise for the swearing but i was sooooo mad when i left. i should have said something there and then but i was so cross. i had spent so much time fretting and worrying over nothing! now i think i'm going to make a complaint (not that i think anything will come of it but it will make me feel better) but first i need to retireve the letter they sent me..... you see, when i turned up for my appointment, they took the letter off me and then passed it to the person i had my chat with, i then never thought to take it off him when i left and i don't think it'll be easy trying to retireve it!!

the rest of tuesday went by swimmingly...... 3 application forms filled in, one for the job around the corner which has been posted back to them and the other 2 for the interviews i have tomorrow! i also recieved an email from someone i'd sent my CV to saying they had a position and there is and application form and details in the post.

wednesday.... not a good day in terms of my performance at the interviews. both were for the same company, just different job titles and with the confusing, contradictory and repetitive qurestions they asked i'll be surprised if anyone gets offered a job with them! (they'll let me know how (un)successful i was next week) then in the afternoon i recieved a phone call off another company i had sent my CV to saying there was a job and they'd send me an appication form if i was interested (of course i said yes please).

thursday.... 2 application forms arrived in the post this morning which i have not gotten around to completing, instead i spent the day designing and then cross stitching myself a pink fairy to put in a coaster as i fancied a new one for my room (only now my mum wants a duck one doing and my step dad wants a train!)

anyway, i apologise for the length of this for those who managed to read to the end and tomorrow is sign on day! yippee!! not! going to try and get my letter back and write that complaint if i'm successful. i also have 2 application fomrs to complete (there is a third in the post which may arrive tomorrow which i will also complete if it does) and then i'm going to design this duck for my mother.