i've not been feeling too good lately. i'm not ill, just feeling down....... again!!!

it's been 10 days since we last spoke, 9 days since you last text me and 7 days since you last rang (and i chose not to answer).

every day i've thought you might try and ring me again, every day you don't.

every day i've thought if only we'd done things differently.....
if only i'd moved in with you sooner instead of you looking for a job nearer me (as you never found one).
if only we hadn't rushed so much to get engaged.
if only we hadn't set a date for the wedding.
if only your mum hadn't said she wasn't going to come to the wedding.
if only your sister hadn't told us to shove it up our a**e when we asked her to be a bridesmaid.
if only........

i hate you for being so spineless and letting your job get in the way of our relationship but i love you.
i hate you for upsetting me every single day but i love you.
i hate you for doing absolutely nothing to sort out the problems between us when you tell me you want us to sort things out and you love me.
i hate you for the way you speak about my parents when all they want to do is help us sort things out.
i hate you so much, but i love you more

AND I DID A STUPID THING THIS MORNING AND TEXT YOU.... WHY HAVEN'T YOU GOT BACK TO ME???