I really don't know where all my time goes at the minute. Before I moved I had so much free time on my hands I really did not know what to do with it all, now I hardly get chance to breathe. I am eagerly awaiting a day off where I can do what I want, when I want and not have plans made to see anyone....... Reckon that day will come in about 6 months!

My new nephew was 6 weeks old yesterday and his parents wedding plans are coming along nicely, slightly envious that my sister 'appears' to have everything I want, but I know if it's meant to be then it'll happen to me before my biological clock stops!

ok, so i should have posted sooner but i've just not had the time! so much has happened over the last couple of weeks.....

i'm all moved in (nearly), after getting most of my stuff up to the second floor flat we decided to put the rest in mum's garage for me to sort through at my leisure, and throw lots away as i've more stuff than i realised.

i have a great big leak coming through my living room window!!! apparently it's the roof, so until it's sorted i have a nice piece of bubble wrap hanging inside my window and then draped outside so that the drip no longer is bouncing off of the frame and getting absolutely everywhere wet through. slightly disappointed that i had to do that myself though, though it would be the landlords responsibility to do a temporary fix. it's not much fun in this hot weather having plastic up, just makes it hotter. can run the risk of it being down if i'm not in and it rains as stuff would get ruined, plus it stopped raining about 2hrs ago and i can still hear it dripping!!!

i was also supposed to have a parking space as there was a free one at the time i looked around and i said i'd take it, only when i came to move in apparently someone had started using it without permission. i was asked to bear with them for a few days whilst they sorted it, landlord said he would honour me having it. anyway, just over a week ago i was a bit annoyed that no one had actually been to have a look at this leak so go onto the agent (she acts as go between for me and the landlord) and said someone would be round the following day (and they were, which is when i found out that it's the roof) and i also enquired with the agent about the parking space, she said it would be resolved next week (which was last week) and i've still not heard anything and someone else is still parking in my spot! grrrrr

i've had quite a busy few days, sorting out my finances, visiting the little one for lots of cuddles and of course there has been lots of packing!!! i'm almost ready now, my room is all boxed up!

i'm going to visit my sister and the baby tomorrow, then wednesday is the day for collecting my keys and a bit of shopping for my new flat. thursday is cleaning day and moving my stuff in from my mums and then friday is the BIG day, my borther and i are going to lincoln to get all my belongings out of storage. they've been there for almost 2 years, bet i'm going to find a lot of things i forgot i had!!!

it's all so exciting so i apologise now for my lack of posts in the recent days and over the next few days as i'm going to be busy, busy, busy!!!!

p.s. simon was in touch on saturday, he wants me to go and visit! i've hardly thought about him at all but i am seriously thinking about going to see him in hospital when i'm moved and sorted! i know, i'm stupid.

mum has been to visit my sister and brother today. there's still no sign of the little one arriving yet!! my brother though is in a pretty bad way. he's coping ok with the relationship breakdown, he's not coping with the fact that he doesn't have a job at the minute. money is very tight and mum has been supporting him financially for a few months now and she can't keep doing that, especially when she's paying for my sisters wedding later in the year. anyway, she came home earlier and said that my brother is moving back home as they can afford to financially support him here, but not where he is now as they've been paying his rent for him. mum is a little disappointed that this is happening as she had only just got her head around the fact that i was leaving and her and my stap dad would have the house to themselves after nearly two years, but she knows it's the best thing for him and if he does come home then they'll have 2 or 3 weeks 'break' between me moving out and him moving in. him moving over here might be a good thing for me too. if he does stay over here and finds a job then my social life may pick up a bit if he doesn't mind taking his big sister out for a drink every now and again :0)

I've spent most of the morning on the phone trying to get organised for the big move, well, it's not actually that big, just big to me!!

Arranged to collect the keys for my new flat on 27th May at 10.30am!!!! That day (or the next) me and mum are going to go in and clean the place and also arrange for someone mum knows to come and clean the cooker. My bother will be here bright and early on the 29th to collect a van at 8am, drive over to Lincoln (2hrs away) with me and pick my stuff up. Quick trip to the tip to deposit some items I no longer require and then back over to Halifax and move my stuff into my second floor flat! Lots of steps and I will admit I'm quite lazy when it comes to physical work, but the end result with be great enough reward. The van does not have to be back until 8am next morning which also gives me time to use the van to move my belongings from mum's house, although I may start doing that on the 28th...... Exciting stuff!!!

Went to view those flats yesterday afternoon. We found the place ok, it was once a large Georgian house that has been converted into 8 flats, turns out there were 3 empty. She took us into the first one and I was immediately put off by it's location - the very first door on the groud floor! I thought it would be too noisy. I knew before I got there that the bedroom, although separate from the living area, did not have a door to it but there was going to be an archway between both rooms. Se said that some people put a curtain pole up and curtains to separate the rooms, I thought this a good idea but for some unknown reason I was not keen at all on this flat. The kitchen was small, but big enough for one person and the bathroom had a state of the art shower!!! It's like a tardis, apparently as the landlord has not put baths into any of the flats he's gone to town on the showers. The final thing that put me off that place was the mould growing in the fridge (it's not a good idea to keep the thing turned on with the door shut if you've not cleaned it properly! Other than that, it was clean, tidy, but just not me.

We then went up to the second floor and into another one bed like the one I'd already seen but the kitchen and bathroom were in a different place and even though the living space was slightly smaller I almost immediately couls see myself living there. There were gorgeous views of the hills, it was a lovely sunny day and it was so bright in the room which made it seem larger than it was. The bathroom in this flat had a large window which was nice, the only room without a window is the kitchen (mum said to get a nice picture up in there to 'brighten' it up)!! We spent ages in here then went off to the 3rd floor, top of the house to see the last flat.

This one was advertised as a 2 bed, when you got onto the top step you either went left to the open plan living space and kitchen with the bathroom off it and to the left were 2 bedroom. There were different steps and levels all over the place! It was not to my liking at all. When I said I didn't like it the agent asked why..... I explained what changes could be made and if it looked how I was describing I'd be tempted.

We decided to go back down to the one on the second floor for another look. I decided I wanted it so I've paid my holding deposit and provisionally said I'd be looking to move around the 1st June. I did some thinking today and have decided if I can sort everything out over the next few days then I'm aiming for the 28th May....... It's soooooo exciting.

I'm not 100% sure I'm ready for this, but it's worth giving it a try and mum has said I can always come home if it doesn't work out for me. Think she's just a bit worried what with me not really going anywhere to see people, lack of social life and me being on anti depressants. Guess I won't know until I try. It'll be nice to have my own space again and maybe concentrate on doing what I want to do when I want to do it and find myself again.

I'm going out in about half an hour to view some flats with an intention of getting my life back and moving out of my parents. Not going to say I'll be overly disappointed if they're not suitable as I only decided this morning I was seriously thinking of moving!!

My sister is due to have her first child any day now, she's having a boy and I'm going to be an aunty again.

My brother and his partner have ended their relationship. This has been positive for me as I've gotten to see my nephew a whole lot more than I did before.

I'm going to be a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding, although I'm not 100% confident about attending my first wedding since my own was cancelled, it was 2 years ago and I should be over it by now!

I love my job (in a fashion). I adore those I look after, shame about some of the staff! :0)

I passed my Level 1 Certificate in Bookkeeping exam (with distinction) and I'm currently studying Computerised Bookkeeping, Level 1, exam will be in June (I think). I think I'd like to study more bookkeeping with eventually a career change, but not 100% sure at the moment as I love care work.

It's been a very long time since I last posted and since then I've lost a few 'blog' friends :0(

I do hope this return means I'll be more of a regualr feature again. The reason I stopped posting was I was feeling so low that I was just complaining all the time and who wants to read that?? I'm not saying I'll never complain again, I just need to get a grip.

Simon has featured in my life quite heavily since my last post, although I've not seen him in almost 12 months now, we've had good days and bad days, all through phone calls and texts. I finally thought things were getting there as we agreed to meet to chat and see if that spark was still there, but he was never willing to make arrangements. Bank Holiday he 'vanished' for a couple of days, just didn't reply to calls and mostly had his phone turned off. I gave him what for when I did speak to him, even hung up on him and told him I couldn't care less, but he rang me back, begging and pleading and told me everything I wanted to hear. Then thursday and friday last wek, his phone was off again!! I finally got hold of him on saturday evening and he's in hospital! He's had an accident at work and has fractured his pelvis quite badly. He reckons he'll be in hospital for at least 4 weeks and he doesn't want me to visit! Initially I thought 'stuff him', then I thought maybe he really just does not want to see anyone, or maybe he's not told his mum we're speaking! I tried to reason with him, if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me then he shouldn't be pushing me away, he said he needsw some time to get his head around what he's done and doesn't want any visitors! I told him I thought I'd be more than just a 'visitor' and he has got all the time in the world to get his head around this - BYE. All he had to say was thank you!!!

A part of me thinks I am being heartless by saying what I said considering where he is and what has happened to him but I can't forgive him for not wanting me to go and see him when he needs people around him who care about him.

I hope this finally ends my 'obsession' with him. I love him so much but he has treated me so badly, I'm scared of being alone.

I did go to the doctors a few months ago and I have been taking anti depressants and they are sort of helping, think next time I go I'll take up the offer of the counselling as a few pills aren't going to solve anything long term.

I still have not friends, the only people I see outside of work are family and that's quite depressing in itself. Viscious circle really!!

I also stopped going to the gym at christmas and have piled the weight back on!!

It's not all bad though, i've got some stuff to do and then I'll be back to tell you about the positive things that are happening around me

I just decided to do a one stone rune reading for myself considering what I managed to achieve today..... The stone pulled was the Journey. I also got a book with the Runes and some of the things in the explaination of this stone are quite fitting considering my current state.

Here are some of the things said:
- the journey is towards self healing, self-change and union.
- the end is in sight.
- you are no longer burdened by what you have left behind.

These things and the other things said all make perfect sense in my current situation.

It was my birthday today and as a treat, mum and I are going to the Trafford centre in Manchester tomorrow for lunch and to do a bit of shopping. I've been telling myself for over a week now that I'm going to tell her about how I'm feeling. I'm worried the 'right' time won't come tomorrow, but I'm going to do my best to tell her. I do need to talk to someone and I really don't have anyone else. I think I also need to tell her I've been texting him again, but I knocked that on the head earlier today, it was the right thing to do. I only contacted him as I was feeling so low and I stupidly thought he'd be able to help me.

I've always been interested in runes, tarot, coin and card reading but it's not something which I've ever really 'studied'. I do have 2 sets of tarot cards but I obviously don't rate them very highly as I did not bring them with me when I moved, they're in storage 100 miles away.

Today at work I was talking to someone about tarot cards. She said she had bought herself a pack and I told her that I don't know that much but she should not have bought her own pack. As they were in her car she went and got them and gave them to me, as I said I'd get some for her. I went to where she got them from as she really likes them but I couldn't get any, but I did find a book on runes complete with stones at a bargain price.

I don't know a lot about runes.... Should you buy these for yourself or should they be a gift?

Anyway, I'm not so superstitious as to think I'll get false readings from something that should be gifted. I've glanced through the book already and done 2 readings. Just trying to get a taster. I'm impatient and there is no way I'd wait until I'd read the whole book before doing a reading. I did read in the book that you are uspposed to keep a journal of your rune readings (the reason being I'm not sure of at the moment) and I'm going to keep a brief temporary account of my readings on here until I learn more about what I'm doing and I have a nice journal to write my readings in.

Reading 1 - Odin's Rune - no explaination is going to be given right now as to the situation I am currently in as there may be some people reading who may be disapointed in what I've done. The rune I pulled was The Self, Reversed. (7.40pm)

Reading 2 - Three Rune Spread - I first pulled Strength, Reversed, then Constraint, Reversed and then lastly Wholeness. (7.50pm)

I have briefly read the book regarding what these stones mean in the context which they have been drawn but I shall not be explaining here, not until I've managed to educate myslf further in their meanings.